Episode Down Under: the Aussie Art of not giving an answer

Has anyone ever told you that Australians won't give you answers?

I married one, so hear me out. You are going to love this.

I marked eleven years Down Under, and every day still feels like a new lesson in the art of conversation, Australian style. 

As an Italian, I've navigated this maze, where straightforward questions rarely meet their match in direct answers. 

I dare to say that Australians don't give you an answer.

Instead, they're met with a charm and wit that is as baffling as it is endearing. 

Along the sun-heated neaches of the East Coast, my journey through these conversations offers a window into the Aussie spirit—a spirit that loves to dodge, weave, and sometimes, lead you on a merry chase.

The Everyday Dance of Dodging answers

There is something unique in the Australian way of communicating, a way that took me, with my Italian penchant for clarity, some time to grasp (and a few arguments with my husband):

1. The How-Are-You Hokey-Pokey:

   - Question: "How are you?"

   - Aussie Answer: "I'm here."

   - My Italian Perspective:"But... are you well, or not? 'Here' is a location, not a state of being!"

So, let's try again: how are you?

- Aussie Answer: Not bad. 

And let's be clear, as uncle Martin pointed out, it doesn't mean good, but simply not bad.

2. The Price-Check Shuffle:

   - Question: "How much is it?"

   - Aussie Answer: "Not much."

   - My Italian Perspective: "I'm asking for a number, a cost, not a vague notion of value!"

3. The Weather-Waltz:

   - Statement: "It's hot."

   - Aussie grandad: "It's the weather."

   - My Italian Perspective: "Indeed grandad, it is the weather. But are we just stating facts now?"

4. The Distance-Dodge:

   - Question: "How far is it?"

   - Aussie Answer:"Not far."

   - My Italian Perspective: "In kilometers, please! 'Not that far' could mean anything from a block to a marathon! Especially since the distances in Australian are pretty long."

And then, there are the moments that truly test my Italian soul:

5. The Decisive Indecision about Dinner:

   - Question: "What would you like to eat?"

   - Aussie Answer: "Whatever..."

   - My Italian Perspective: "In the realm of Italian cuisine, 'whatever' is a concept that simply does not exist!" 

Ok, so, I'll narrow it down and give you choice: what would you prefer risotto or pizza?"

- Aussie answer: "whatever you like  whatever it's easier"

If I could get a dollar for every time I heard: not enough, not bad, not much, not sure, I don't know etc I could pay off my mortgage. 

Understanding the Underlying Charm

What I've come to realize is that this conversational dance is not just about avoiding directness. 

At times, I associated with laziness and lack of intention to think, to take a stand and be accountable.

It's more about maintaining a light-hearted, easy-going atmosphere—a core aspect of the Aussie way of life. 

"I'm easy, risotto or pizza will do". 

It reflects a culture that values not taking oneself too seriously and emphasizes the importance of a laid-back approach to life.

So, if you ask: "How is it going?"

They will tell you they are living the dream.

What dream, whose dream? The Australian dream? 

I still don't know, but it does sound good. Living the dream...

Australians are cool, with whatever.

Let's open a window on Cultural Context: The Australian ethos is deeply rooted in egalitarianism, where the tall poppy syndrome encourages humility and discourages self-aggrandizement (at least as a general way, but trust me when I say I have witnessed unruled nasty competition). 

This cultural backdrop might explain the tendency to give non-committal answers—perhaps a way to maintain equality and avoid seeming too assertive or knowledgeable.

From an Italian standpoint, where direct communication is often equated with honesty and respect, adapting to this style has been a roller coaster. That's for sure.

I have been lucky enough to spend time with second, third, fourth generation of 'settlers descendants' Australians. It's taught me that directness and elusion, clarity and vagueness, can coexist in a harmonious balance, each offering its own insights into different cultures' values and social norms.

Because at the end of the day, she'll be right.

Who is she? This still, I don't know. In fact, nobody knows.

The Aussie's love understatement and irony, they serve perhaps as a bonding mechanism, where not giving a straight answer becomes a playful way to talk. It invites others to engage in the light-hearted banter that's a hallmark of Australian social interactions.

Then, I also thought that it could be related to respect for Privacy: 

Often, the avoidance of direct answers reflects a deep-seated need for privacy and personal space. It's a subtle acknowledgment that some questions might tread too close to personal matters, even when they seem innocuous.

After all, I answer: "Yeah good!" When they ask me "how are you?", even if I am actually having a bad day (or a series of bad days).

Finding Common Ground

No matter the reasons, the true beauty lies in finding common ground. Embracing the Aussie way of not giving you an answer while holding onto my Italian need to think, organise, deliver answers has allowed me to appreciate the diversity of interaction styles. 

It's a lesson in flexibility, understanding, and the abundance that comes from merging different cultural perspectives.

Eleven years into my Australian migration adventure, the dance continues. 

To me each conversation is a step, a move, a twirl in the intricate ballet of life Down Under. And while I may still yearn for the complexity of an Italian conversation, I've learned to entertain  my self with the playful ambiguity of the Australian way. Through laughter, and, of course, confusion it's a mental exercise worth taking. 

Even when we get lost in translation.

FAQs

Q. How did you adjust to the Australian way of communicating?

  A. With patience, humor, and a willingness to see the charm in their way, embracing it as part of the Aussie identity.

Q. What do you miss most about Italian communication style?

A.  The ars oratoria which is latin for the art of speaking; especially when it involves matters of importance like food and plans—an exchange, a good meaningful dialogue.

Q. Have you found any similarities between Italian and Australian ways of conversing?

  A. Yes, at their core, both are about been humorous and building and relationships, even if through different approaches.

Q. What advice would you give to someone struggling with the Aussie communication style?

  A. Embrace it with an open heart and see it as a playful challenge rather than a barrier.

Q. How do you navigate the 'whatever' when it comes to food?

  A. With a gentle nudge towards decision-making, often by sharing what I know how to cook, Italian style, as a way to inspire more specific choices.

Ciao

Elisa